Sunday Feb. 28, 2021

Had the loveliest day in a long time today.

This week overall was really different for me - I decided to quit smoking (for real this time!) and I was super busy with school and a personal project so I also decided to delete Instagram and Twitter from my phone so I could have laser focus on my upcoming deadlines. I was scared I would go insane from cutting out all of my vices cold-turkey but it was actually super awesome?? Of course I was super busy and couldn't really afford any distractions in the first place but I feel like now I'm actually getting the rest I need to keep working and stay focused (social media is not a real break, it's so noisy and stresses me out) and I've been enjoying consuming content much more intentionally now. I tried to stay off the Internet completely except for work purposes but ofc I still found myself trying to escape work - except instead of Twitter/Instagram, I was going onto sites like Soundcloud and which I didn't feel bad about at all? like at least I was consuming content that is pertinent to me, plus these isolated social platforms are more specifically curated and not as addicting as my big social media feeds. Even when I went to dillydally on these sites, I didn't have a hard time hopping off of it after a couple minutes of necessary distraction. My mind feels much clearer and when I went to peek at Ig/Twitter again today to see what I had missed out on, I realized how I literally don't care about like 90% of the stuff that my feed shows me.

Anyways I've been having such a lovely day/week and wanted to share it somewhere, so I'm starting this open diary thing which is probably gonna be so embarrassing to look back on. I feel so whole today and I don't want it to become another fleeting moment so I guess I feel the need to write about it somewhere! Usually I would do it on my private ig but I associate my finsta too much with shitposts and self-deprecating, depressing posts that get a bit too personal. Plus I can ramble way more on here without feeling like I'm annoying people. Without the tempation of validation from other people, I'm hoping this will be a much more productive and mindful way of sharing my thoughts to anyone who happens to be here (hey), but mostly just a personal exercise.. mostly unfiltered & unedited & also I'm a terrible writer & I love to write in stream-of-consciousness run-on sentences like this.

Something that's really helped me stay off social media this week was listening to podcasts, especially while I do design work! I've never been a podcast person and in the past I would tune out as soon as they started talking lol but I started getting into casts cuz my lovely gf recommended me Mary H.K. Choi's "Hey Cool Life" mini-podcast which has been immensely helpful for thinking about/navigating the different facets of my mental/emotional health without it becoming an overwhelming, self-prescribing ordeal. The way she talks about stuff is so nonjudgemental and doesn't ask anything of you but to be gentle to yourself. She's also Korean-American with Korean immigrant parents just like me so a lot of the stuff specific to that area of life resonated with me a lot. She has another podcast called "Hey Cool Job!" where she interviews her really cool and accomplished friends, a lot of whom are creatives and I've been enjoying that podcast too. (some of my favorite episodes: art directors Eric Hu and Hassan Rahim, Discwoman founder Frankie Hutschinson, pornstar Asa Akira, and Graham Browne, who started his own middle school-it was the sweetest episode). It's been getting me excited about pursuing more creative work and gives me hope that I'll eventually find my place within it and I won't always hate what I do! Also I love when she interviews Asian-American people cuz she always asks them what their parents think of their jobs and I've been having a lot of anxiety about my own parents and their expectations for my career so it's super reassuring to hear that everyone's parents eventually come to accept it (granted these people are like super successful in what they do) but idk I think i will kick ass and I'm starting to believe in myself more which is super new to me. And I think it's a sign that I'm getting closer to knowing what I want to do in life which is a nice feeling. Speaking of careers, I'm looking into working with video games so I've also been nerding out and listening to "Psychology of Video Games Podcast"

So the past few days I've been working non-stop on my submission for the Famicase Exhibition. I feel pretty good about how it turned out and more importantly, I actually enjoyed myself while making it. I finally submitted it today and got some time to myself and went on a much-needed walk. It was such a nice walk it literally healed me.. I had been cooped up in my room looking at this fucking famicase design for so long, it felt like I went outside for the first time in my life and remembered there was a real world outside of my head. like.. even the normal ass trees I couldn't believe them and how beautiful they are that they just grow like that??? all sorts of different crazy shapes and colors and textures Nature is so cool and healing. Today was such a nice day and I went out at that perfect time right before the sun is about to set (dusk? lol) All the leaves and flowers and stuff were just wiggling and dancing in the gentle breeze and I could hear the tiny rustles of the trees:) I was enjoying all the sounds of my little suburb.. lot of barking dogs and planes in the distance, n I could hear the music that people were blasting at home from outside :) I didn't put on my headphones once on my walk today. I used to hate walking here around my parent's house but today I walked toward the mountains, up the hill, and discovered so many neat little views. I even acquired a book from this random free little library in front of someone's house :D I feel so thankful for life today.